For Certain Reasons

Yes, I watch American Idol.  And yes, I have opinions.

The Judges:

Randy Jackson - For me, for you, he was just alright.  Dawg. 

Kara Dioguardi - She actually had a few relevant things to say last night, but they were mostly points that other judges already made.

Simon Cowell - Better last night than the first night.  The guys didn't really have a singular great performance, and he seemed kind of insulted by it.

Ellen Degeneres - She went a little off the rails last night and started using quasi-musical terms that may have been out of her range of understanding - "You 'pushed it' and then you 'brought it back'" - stuff that really could mean just about anything and nothing at the same time.

The Contestants, Worst to Best:

(Note - If I give someone a nickname, it's generally not a good thing.)

Tim Urban - Proof that if you are eliminated, you should stay eliminated.  So far, the only castaway to come back due to another contestant's disqualification and have even a modicum of success has been fifth-place George Huff in Season 3.  Did you hear his new single?  Neither did anyone else.  Back to Tim - poor kid was absolutely crushed by that song, and his falsetto was a little embarrassing.  Bye bye.

Tyler Grady - I actually kind of liked him up until last night, when he turned the 70's thing into an out and out caricature.  Not to mention that I personally despise the Lenny Kravitz take on "American Woman."

John Park - Ouch.  Just a weird performance.  It was almost like the Will Ferrell/Ana Gasteyer "Bobbi and Marty Culp" skit.

Todrick Hall - Hereafter "Fake Sisqo."  Any points he may have earned for boldness were erased by a very uneven performance.

Jermaine Sellers - Watching his performance, one would think that Idol was instituting a "no vocal  runs" policy immediately after the show.  Man, did he shoehorn those things in.  And how about that excruciatingly awkward destruction of the fourth wall during his criticism - during which, by the way, he managed to work in even more vocal runs?

Lee Dewyze - My wife remarked, "He's like the only 'regular guy' in the group."  That's true.  Unfortunately, he's also a less-talented David Cook.  How many Daughtry/Chad Kroeger/David Cook types do we really need?  (Answer:  0.0)  It's unfortunate, because he's not terrible, and he seems to be an honest and likeable guy.  Also, I'm kind of a Snow Patrol fan, and that rendition did not do it for me.

Michael Lynche - He has a well-defined style and is a confident performer, but I just feel like there's something disingenuous about him.  The incessant "Fo-Shos" during his criticism just gave me douche chills.

Alex Lambert - His vocals were as interesting as his performance was awkward.  I really don't know what to make of him, but I kind of like him.  By the way, that's not a mullet:  I've got Carol Brady and Shirley Partridge on a conference call, and they want their...oh, never mind.

Aaron Kelly - Somewhere between David Archuleta and Kevin Covais, only not quite as talented as Archuleta and not quite as likeable as Covais.  And damn him for making me listen to a Rascal Flats song.   He did absolutely slay some large notes, though.

Casey James - Hereafter "Ted Douchenozzle."  He was one of the better performers on a bad night, but I just don't get it.  Remember his tearjerking "I hurt my arm real bad" story during auditions?  His whole act seems contrived, and while I hate to get all conspiratorial, I think the Idol producers are just as much to blame as he is.

Joe Muñoz - Technically probably the best vocal, but he seems to have trouble connecting and exhibiting star quality.  If he could fix those things, even a little, I think he could be the guys' best hope.

Andrew Garcia - While the acoustic twist on pop hits has pretty much reached the point of cliché, I liked his Fall Out Boy cover better than the judges did.  Despite his oddly frank "my parents were gangbangers" back story, I think he does the best job of making you like him. 

Overall Impression

The good news is that the disconnect between performance and judging wasn't quite as pronounced last night.  The bad news is that the reason for this increased consistency in judging was consistently unimpressive performances.  It was very difficult to rank last night's contestants, and I wouldn't be surprised if there were no male contestants in the overall top 6 this year.