For Certain Reasons

Yes, I watch American Idol. And yes, I have opinions. (And sometimes, I take a week off.)

Elimination Recap:

The Great Massacre of 2010. Fake Sisqo never made us like him enough to stick around, but the other 3? Really? Though he struggled with nerves, I would place Alex Lambert 2nd on the guys' side. How Tim Urban is still around just baffles me. The girls' side was even worse. Katelyn Epperly had a bad week, but Katie Stevens and Paige Miles had worse weeks...still my darkhorse is out. There were clearly 5 girls, including Katelyn Epperly, that should have gone home before Lilly Scott. I know that this Nickleback nation of ours often gets it wrong when it comes to musical talent, but this is damn wrong. The show will be worse this season for it.

The Judges:

Randy Jackson - Dude. Dog. Hot. Pitchy. You worked it out. Just aaight for me.

Kara Dioguardi - Is "douchebag" a specifically male term? Kara's on my short list of women I would refer to as a "douchebag."

Simon Cowell - I don't understand his obsession with Lee Dewyze.

Ellen Degeneres - She's clearly the second best judge, and for never having been in the pop music industry, she's surprisingly constructive with her criticism.


The Contestants, Worst to Best:

Tim Urban - Why. Just why. Go away please. The constant "I'm so surprised" expression is so effing tired.

Katie Stevens - I get the impression she's a very intelligent girl, but it comes over as cockiness sometimes. She has a believability problem too, and was pretty forgettable last night.

Andrew Garcia - I'm afraid this guy has stretched his limited talent about as far as it can go. I say it a lot, but there are thousands of people who do what he does on YouTube.

Ted Douchenozzle - He's not terrible, I just don't find anything about what he does to be interesting. My friend Tom remarked, "That guy will be playing at Pierre's in like 3 months." Well said, Tom.

Lee Dewyze - He's such a likeable guy, and such an unlikeable singer. That was a terrible arrangement, too.

Lacey Brown - What key are you singing in, woman?

Aaron Kelly - Plant feet shoulder length apart. Raise non-mic hand. Sway hips. Repeat. Big notes, but an even bigger believability problem than Katie Stevens. Did I mention that I hate RascalFlatts?

Paige Miles - She gets a degree of difficulty point for singing through laryngitis, but I'm taking it right back for the bizarre gender spin on the lyrics to "HonkyTonk Woman."

Didi Benami - It's a shame she got stuck in the 2nd slot, because I liked her song as she was performing, but it didn't stand out an hour and a half later. On a night with not a lot separating the contestants, I would say Didi is the point in my rankings where the contestants start deserving to stick around.

Mike Lynche - We're only 4 weeks into the live shows, and this guy has already gone first twice. I'm almost ready to get my Al Sharpton on...anyway, another great performance, but I'm personally not crazy about him.

Crystal Bowersox - I would call this her first "off" night, but I think she's still the clear favorite to win the whole thing. Her "off" is like a 9.9999 out of 10; she only completely and totally wowed instead of utterly completely and totally wowed.

Siobhan Magnus - That girl changed keys like 12 times over the course of the song. It was a freakishly ridiculous performance, but in a good way. I'm almost convinced that she is really a vampire.

Overall Impression

Kind of a boring evening overall. I wish all of the contestants who feel the need to answer back during the judges' critiques would just save it already. It's Crystal vs. Siobhan from here on out.